Friday, October 31, 2014
THE ENEMY WANTS MY FAITH
This morning I am trying to get my faith back. Pretty silly on one hand but really important on the other.
THE ENEMY WANTS MY FAITH. That is his number one goal for my life: He wants me to doubt God's work in and through my life. He wants me to fear making moves because they may be the wrong moves. He wants me to think that what I say or what I write is wasted time and effort. He wants me to believe that I am useless on this earth.
He also wants me to fear my immediate future: Will I ever be able to walk comfortably again and get some exercise? Will my heart and lungs ever be strong enough again to support me through a serious health crisis, since I have not been walking and they are getting weaker and weaker? Is my car finally falling apart? Will I have a car to drive at all in the near future because I cannot afford to get my car fixed? Can I rely on my current income to ever fill my cupboards again with the staples I need to fix meals for myself that I will be willing to eat? (As if I am anywhere near starving, or even hungry, compared to “those little children in foreign countries.”) Okay, I am a little sarcastic about that, but one can easily see that I am not starving or even close to it – Just frustrated that my idea of how to sustain me is apparently different from “Someone” else.
Apparently I have been building up a lot of faithless ideas lately and it has come to my attention that one of the things I feel called to do has been blocked by this lack of faith. I am currently convinced that what I write is senseless and not a blessing to anyone. I have written many things that I then drop and leave in file rather than post. I am sure that those things are stupid and a waste of time for whoever reads them. I have been convinced that no one is actually interested in reading them, even though my goal is not to have readers, plural, but to reach out to someone who may just need to consider the points I am making.
I write and then I do not post because I have lost my faith that this simple thing is what I should do. Talking and writing and loving on people are about all I think I can do, so if I drop any of these things, I truly become useless.
What I need is prayer, but...
Well, maybe this is the way to reach out for that prayer. Will you pray for me?
Sometimes I hesitate to ask for prayer because my requests seem so wrong. But asking for your help is not wrong. In my Bible study, I have asked for prayer for gaining some clarity because of my confusion. This morning I looked up to God and said, “My brain has gone nuts: I cannot keep it focused on one subject long enough to grasp it or form ideas from that subject. Help me pull things together and be more focused and less confused.”
Perhaps you can help me with this? I am currently working on a post that I think is relevant and purposeful but I am being discouraged from posting it. Perhaps I should not, but maybe I should.
Pray for me to regain my focus and ability to step up to the plate and do what God wants me to do.You do not need to answer this request. Just pray, please. And, thank you.