TOUGH LOVE FOR CHANGE

GOSSIP – information about the behavior and personal lives of other people.

But not all information about people is gossip. Nor is all gossip about people.

Take Paul for example: When he wrote his letters, it was generally because he had “heard” something about the church to which he was writing; good or bad. That is how news traveled in those days and that was an acceptable way to pass information on.

As we follow the life of Paul as told in Acts, beginning at Chapter 14, we find this in action. And when we read his letters we discover how “personal” these messages could be. Yet, they are not considered gossip, just reporting the news and responding to it. [As far as I am concerned, "gossip" is any information passed on to anyone who does not need to know it by someone who wants to gain by it.] Gossip is almost always mean. Information shared in love is almost never mean. But it can alert others to a problem that needs attention.

As I read the sinful practices going on in Corinth, particularly as found in 1 Corinthians, I take a moment to realize that, even with the horrors we deal with today, there is nothing new under the sun. I seems that all the things we are trying to strike out against right now were hugely present in Corinth at that time.

It can be clearly seen today that the issues that bring people away from God's Word now, are not any different than those which confused and tore at the churches in the early days of the Church. The prevailing pressures and sins are very much the same.

Yes, we have glaring sin going on all around us until we can hardly stand to read or listen to the news. Yes, we have abhorrent ideas being administered into our system of life. Yes, we have things happening around us that make us want to throw up when we hear or see the next ugly thing.

But, so did they.

They were “young” Christians, very young. Even though the Apostles, who were grown men of various ages, they were nevertheless also young in their faith. They had three years of walking with Jesus, but it was still an eye and heart opening event when they actually became the Sons of God that knew wholly and completely the salvation of Jesus Christ, revealed to them through the Holy Spirit. They were just babies when they first preached. Yet the power of God was in and with them and they spoke out like old souls in Christ. They also took on the responsibilities of old souls: seeing to the salvation and growth of new souls, babes in Christ.

Paul's opportunity came a little later, but it was no less miraculous and soul changing. He was put into immediate service and immediate training. He had to “grow up” fast. He was not on “milk” ever, I think. It was immediate steak.

A week ago the sermon was about Paul's travels and companionship with disciples traveling with him. In chapter 17, we were shown that for all his travel's and all his changes of companions, Paul never once veered from the central core of the Gospel: The death, burial and resurrection of Christ. And the result never changed: Some, even many, and many more, were saved. The Apostles preached and God handled the results. But it was necessary for the Apostles to preach the Gospel, and that alone, for the result to happen. Getting the church started was an enormous task that only God could ultimately accomplish.

However, raising these babes fell into the hands of those whom God allowed to bring them into the family of Christ through the preaching of the Gospel. The Apostles and their companions stayed with the new Christians whenever time allowed and with the help of the Spirit, proclaimed as much of Christ's teaching as they possibly could; using the minds and knowledge that God gave them, with power from God. There were more disciples in the crowd of believers that followed Jesus and stayed with the apostles than we actually usually think about. Many of those assisted in teaching and training as it went on.

Thus, Paul's letters.

And, by the way, the verbal “grapevine” of Gossip is obvious to me, as a reader of these letters; there definitely was a “grapevine” that served as a news network. 

But, back to the point, without gossip in those days, nothing would be known, whether good or bad. And Paul was hearing a lot of it, by letter and by word of mouth. This was a good thing. Even though some of the reports were bad news about bad behavior, it was what Paul needed to hear if he was to be prayerfully, or otherwise, influential in the growth of his children. Paul needed to know and Paul responded to what he was told: Good news or bad. And Paul's responses were sent in love, but not the wimpy kind. It was tough love all the way.

And when Paul knew, he wrote. He wrote to the Church at large (including us) by writing to individual churches and seeking to have them share the letter with other churches. It was never his intention to be secretive about these letters. He praised and admonished with the entire church in mind; so as to teach all of them the lessons that he taught to any single church. The truth had nothing in it to be secretive about. Perhaps sometimes the truth of a situation needs to be told publicly to inform and to stop gossip.

Anyway – I find the topics that Paul gets into to be quite relevant today. And I find that the things that break our hearts today, broke his in his day. Things like the list of sins that can be found over and over again throughout the Bible, Things like the rise of homosexual influence and power. Things like hate mongering. Things like human trafficking; the killing of innocent babies; the laziness of relationships that leads to many kinds of immorality; the crush of society by those who rise in wealth and power. It all goes on today just as it did then and before then.

But the example that Paul sets for us is that he paid attention and that he responded, good or bad. He never let anything ride. He never varied from aiming people's lives back to the Gospel, and to everything it means to us in our lives and in our deaths. He dealt with it all and he prescribed the remedy and sent it with much prayer and thanksgiving for the people he was addressing.

I think that in this day we must pay attention to the threats going on around us and around our loved ones, in and out of the church. And, in this day, we must speak up. We must take a stand: Paul told the Corinthians to “stand firm” against the evil invading the church and their personal lives. We must do the same. If we are to love one another and follow any of the “one another” commands that God gave us, then we must speak up for one another as if our lives depend on it – because they do. God is in control and could stop it all if He wanted to. But Paul knew that, too, and he did not sit back and let it all happen just because he knew what God could do.

He knew that it was his responsibility to speak up and to send out all the help he could possibly send to each and every crisis.

We are in crisis. We are in jeopardy. We need to speak up. We need to stop some of these things that are happening. We need to wise up and stop letting the Government and the world around us creep up on everything that can be good, but is being changed to bad. We need to take some lessons from Paul and the other Apostles and disciples and get the word out that we are not going to sit still for this; and then we need to keep moving, and moving hard to rid ourselves of these influences on us and on our neighbors and on our collective children.

WHY get involved? Perhaps because God told us to love our neighbors as ourselves and our neighbors need some serious protecting right now. Paul lived every single day knowing that his life would end early. He also lived every day knowing that Christ could come any minute, and praying for that to happen. But he never, ever, sat back and said, “Well, one way or another things are in God's hands, so I am going to stop what I need to be doing and sit and watch for His adjustments to these things. He is in charge. He will take care of it somehow.” Never, never, never, ever did he say or do that. And neither should we.

One continuous theme in Paul's letter is that we are to not only protect ourselves from this world, but we are to set out to protect this world from this world.

  

We have a responsibility to have a voice and a vote in what is going on around us. And to have a voice in declaring the same Gospel that Paul never veered away from. Love your neighbor as yourself means more than being nice. It means doing all that we can to protect them from themselves and from others who would take them down. Why? Because that is what we do for ourselves, if we love ourselves.

May we reach out and love our neighbors enough to try to help bring this country back to some semblance of itself: The country that was established on Judeo/Christian values and common sense; the statements of which were established in writing In the Declaration, the Preamble, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. So long as we are still here on this earth we must be actively seeking change to the good in this country – our neighbors. If we love them we need to protect them in every way we can.

May God bless us today and everyday as we struggle together to make a difference in Christ's name.

BUSY BRAIN DAY – Paul, Psalm 34 and C.S LEWIS

Reading CS Lewis and his encounter with his mentor/teacher William T. Kirkpatrick (a stiff and tough instructor in how to think) Lewis is said to mention that “I hear you,” was the closest thing to praise ever uttered by Kirk (William).

“I hear that” because I have often, but not easily or too frequently, offered these same words to others who speak from their heart – whether pain or joy or just an opinion – and put themselves out there for all to see; giving others the possibility of criticizing or laughing. Perhaps that would be all I need now and then when someone reads my blog and would do me the honor to say so, in some way.

So, if you find this page interesting; or if the words hit your life in some way; or if you have shared this with someone else because you think it might help them; perhaps you could let me know that this page was not lost in cyberspace some where, but was actully read and understood by someone. A simple comment of “I hear that” would be great encouragement to me, even if you do it only once. Sometimes I feel a little lonely out here in “real” space.

Meanwhile, as I was reading our passages from Paul's writings, which we are reading to complement our sermon series on Act 13 and following, I came across this admonition: Paul is writing to the Corinthians, scolding them for their self righteous attitudes, self serving bragging about “who” they are ”following” and how that makes them special; he declares that he is sending his “son” Timothy to be with them and help them find their way back to reason by reminding them of what Paul actually taught them. But he also declares a desire and a determination to get back to them himself.

In closing he says, “What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit.” And here I remembered that old fashion way of discipline... “Come out to the woodshed with me.”

Paul was not afraid to declare that the Corinthians needed some discipline. They were his children in Christ and He was their Father, sent by Christ. In other words, he was responsible for them and he intended to take care of business, one way or another. He was well aware of the responsibility leaders in the faith held, and would be judged for in the end.

He did not put them in “time out” nor did he send them to their rooms to think about what the had done and were doing; neither did he say, “Shame on you. Now go and continue as you were.”

No. He told them there would be consequences if they did not shape up and humble themselves before God; stopping the “bragging” nonsense and the sinful behavior. Then he moved on to tell them other things that needed changing because they were sinning in those things as well. And, if we go on to the next letter we will find that they were a pretty stiff-necked people about all of this.

So how do we shape up in the stiff-necked category? Are we hearing what God said? And, even better, are we doing what God said? Do we even want to know what He said?

I sincerely hope that we do want to know and that we are making an effort to hear from Him everyday in many ways; not just reading one verse with an effort from someone else to bring us light though what they are thinking about that verse; Or are we reading through the books of the Bible (not necessarily in order) but with consistent effort to see the “Big Picture” laid out at our feet by the hand of God himself.

I suppose you can guess by now that I am adamant about reading and studying God's word, line by line, in the Books He has given us as the underlying premise of our faith and beliefs – even if we only read one verse at a time, or one chapter or even one "section" title at a time. We must just keep reading, and reading, while also making note of and studying the Word in many various ways.

Ask anyone who gardens: Digging in the soil yourself is a blessing beyond words and an uplifting joy, even though one may not be able to grow everything they want to, they can find Joy in what they do grow and eat.

Then there was Psalm 34, verse 17: The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them...” Here my thoughts turned to the fact that I seriously try to keep myself busy in doing righteous things in order to BE righteous. Do you see anything wrong with that?

Wow. How many times have I frustrated over someone who will not let their Lord be their righteousness, but go on sinning by pushing their own agenda for the life they are willing to live.

When will I learn not to do that? When will I learn that my righteousness before God is in Christ and Christ alone!!! When will I learn that I must stop making myself busy with righteous busyness in order to “Be still and know that (He) is God!! When will I humble myself to stop making my own plans for how my perfect life should be “worked” out, and let Him have His way, however strange it may feel.

Well, once again it has been a busy day; But this time I hope some headway has been made for the glorification of God, in myself and in others.

May the God of our fathers and the Lord Jesus Christ, be with us all as we daily struggle to be what He wants us to be; and may we be listening and hearing Him speak to us through out our days on this earth, until we can be with Him one day.

Can you hear that? :)

IS THERE INTENT IN LIFE? THE WHY QUESTION, questioned.

Recently, I was blessed to read an article by Dr. J. C. Sproul about the subject of intent, dealing with the question of whether or not there is “intentional” interference in our lives on this earth. Or, in other words, is there a reason things happen or is there not? In my words – Some call it fate, some call it Karma, some call it luck; and some call it “destiny,” what ever that means. But many call it God's intentional interference; or, at least A god's intentional interference.

”In it's complexity...” he says, “We distinguish between proximate and remote purposes.” :) Sorry, I love that sentence. But... “What?” “The proximate being what is close at hand and the remote referring to the distant and ultimate purpose.” My thoughts are, “Does what happens today take us to the tomorrow that we are “supposed” to have and on to the end that which we are “destined” to achieve.

In our common knowledge of God's Word, we basically agree that bad things do happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. And we commonly believe that “... in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Rom 8:28) But, when bad things happen, we tend to go into overdrive asking “Why?” Why me, why them, why now?

When the shooting happened at the Colorado theater, I wrote a little bit about survivor mentality and the question that caught my attention was not “why me, or why them, or why now ” for the survivors, as much as “Why didn't it happen to me?” “Why did I survive while others did not?” Why were my children saved, but my neighbors children died?” This was especially true in the testimonies of 9/11 survivors who spoke up during the 10 year remembrance of that horror.

This type of thinking is not rare at all. It comes with realization of having survived what could have been a death sentence: 9/11 and the Boston Bombing and several school shootings come to mind, but any loss of life can seem to be completely unfair, whether by senseless gunfire or by “natural disaster;” one's own survival comes into question - even in war.

I have never been in any type of group danger, so I cannot rightly speak to matters of that confusion except to say there IS a purpose, and it is purposed by God, with intent to bring about His will in our daily lives and in how His plan for justice will work out in the end.

That does not mean He planned these events, it means He will use these events to show His power and control by saving those who must still go on with the work or toward the work they are “intended” to accomplish overall. A recent look at the division that developed between Paul and Banabas, his preaching partner (Acts 15:36ff,) shows us that God has a plan and that plan is sometimes worked out in the “wrong” way, but His intentions win out in the end: Sproul points to the actions of Joseph's brothers and the conclusion that Joseph came to and shared with them that they intended (whay they did) for harm, but God intended it good. God took a horrific action and used it to complete the good that He had intended all along. (Genesis 50:19)

My own experience is one of “Why didn't it happen?” And the two times that this question came to mind were quite startling for me: Both include the possibility of driving off a cliff or cliff like structure. Let me explain:

Steve and I used to spend hours and hours and days and days driving around in the mountains following old logging roads or fire access roads deep into the forests of the Cascades west of Yakima, up toward Mt. Rainier National Park and Chinook Pass. One day we were coming back down the cliff-side road from a very high viewpoint and my attention was grabbed by a question Steve asked about the map. Without thinking I looked over at the map but kept rolling slowly along. Suddenly my steering wheel jerked hard to the right, and I realized that we had come within a hairbreadth of driving right off the cliff. But we did not. I realized immediately that God had interfered with that ending.

Two questions came of this episode: Why did God interfere since I was not living for Him at the time? And why didn't I jump out, shout Hallelujah, and kiss the ground that I was still on? Well the latter is understandable in that I was still too angry to handle any kind of message from Him. So I breathed a thank you and did not even mention to Steve what had happened. I just tucked it away.

The second incident happened a few years later when I was driving us to the Tri-cities and we were returning to the highway down a steep on ramp. I was distracted by the radio and once again the steering wheel jerked just in time to stop me from going straight over the side. Again – Why did He save us from that? And, again, I didn't have any idea what to say, so I said nothing. Steve did not notice this time either.

Apparently, God had plans for me. He had to be very disappointed that I did not get the message or share the message. But He has forgiven me all and has pulled me into His safe harbor for healing and learning and growing. For that I am finally eternally grateful. It takes a 2x4 to the head to get a mule's attention sometimes, but God did what He needed to do and, hopefully, He has my attention now.

My personal answer to this question of why is “because God said so.” Even if we “misstep” in our journey, God never forgets where He wants us to be and He never lets go of His intent.

One testimony that was given on the 10th Anniversary of 9/11 came from 2 families who were involved in one tiny turn of events that got one killed in the event; while the other was unscathed. This involved the pilot situation on one of the aircraft involved.. Which one escapes me right now, but the situation has made a permanent mark in my own mind about the total and complete Sovereignty of God:

One of the pilots was scheduled to fly that day, but a senior pilot decided that he wanted that flight and he was able, within the system, to secure his place in the cockpit for that flight. He died, the other lived. But both families are content in knowing that this was part of God's overall plan and intent: that one would go Home to Him and the other would remain to serve awhile longer in his mission here on earth. As Christians, they are of one mind on that detail. They believe completely in the intent of God.

And the truth is that most people who escape death when others around them die, are driven to wonder, “Why?” Many, even unbelievers, will utter some phrase or other that indicates that they feel a sudden burden to be someone honorable and do something honorable because they lived. Many of the “first responders” and all responders to this tragedy who were actually in the middle of it, spoke the same things, even to the length that one said, What was I not doing that I should have been doing when my friends and loved ones died, but I lived?” Does that break your heart or what?

Many may say that apparently there is still something they should be doing, but they are at a loss to know what, but many just survive in a state of confusion and PTSD even to this day. And, surprisingly, even those who would answer, “Why not?” are as in “Why not me? Why shouldn't I be the survivor? - I am …. a good person, aren't I? - are showing an interest in an underlying belief that there is intent in the happenings on this earth.

We who know Christ always have hope in Gods promise of justice in this world and we can always hope in Christ's return to take us out of here or to bring us home through death. He will have His way and He will work out His justice in His way and in His time for all to see.

So, even as we cringe at the news ,and horrors of evil going on around us and decisions being made we can lift these things up to Him, ask Him to handle them, possibly even clamp down on them; but we do not need to fret ourselves into sickness over these things. We just need to keep on keeping on, while living and speaking as Jesus did in the crazy time that He was living on this earth.

May we “Speak Life” as we journey here, and may we be daily aware that God has our back in all things happening around us whether from “evil people doing evil things” or from natural disaster...

May we pay attention and jump in where we can, while finding our Peace in You, Lord. Amen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rK6O0YtBRY

THE NONSENSE OF SOME BIBLE NOTES

A LOOK AT SEEKING TRUTH WHEN OTHERS THROW US ROADBLOCKS

Some time ago, when reading in the Psalms, I came across a notation in my study notes that “blew my mind.” It was a note that said Psalm 6 was a prayer “in time of severe illness.” I immediately questioned that, and sought resources to help explain that to me. As I did, I found that the most trusted resources believe this to be a cry for help in a time of depression; his son was hunting him down like an animal; he was realizing that he had somewhere failed his son as a father; and he was exhausted* from his physical and mental trials.

This latter description is what I have long believed and, after researching other comments on this, I struck the NIV note out of contention with a big X.

Now I have come upon an otherwise unnoticed damaging bias of the NIV scholars who put these notes together: They very quietly indicate in several places that they believe the theory that Genesis 1, and perhaps all of Genesis, is a tale based on Ancient Near East mythology. WOW.

I had never even heard a whisper of such a thing until I was reading Psalm 36 and came across the phrase: “…surely when the mighty waters rise they will not reach him.” (vs 6)

But as I read through the notes on this chapter, I was astonished to find these words:

mighty waters – Powerful imagery for threatening forces or circumstances. This and related imagery was borrowed from ancient Near Eastern creation myths.

I pulled my jaw back up from where it fell and immediately put a huge question mark beside that note. What a lie that is! The writers of the Old Testament did not have any need to seek out mythology to write the stories of our God! That is a reference to the flood and to all the carnage it created in a sinful, unbelieving world; while lifting the believers up and out of harms way in the ark.

It is a reminder to us of God’s promises to us that He will never do that again, nor will He allow us to ever be totally overcome in any “waters” that besiege us in this life on earth. The very worst thing that can happen to us is actually the very best thing that can ever happen to anyone: In an instant we will be face to face with our Lord. There is a powerful lesson in these verses and it is not about any ancient mythology.

SO… I set about taking a look at other notes on this chapter and found that this verse has no notes at all in many Study Bible versions, and that most – well actually all of the places I found discussing this verse – completely ignored the claim of mythological foundations and went straight to how powerful a promise this is to us from our God. My buddy, J Vernon McGee, simply said, “When David refers to ‘the floods of great waters,’ I think he is referring to the flood of Noah’s time.”

He goes on to say, “Noah was in the ark when the Flood came and that flood, which destroyed others, simply lifted him up because he was in the ark. The waters of judgment could not reach Noah.”  Bless his heart, he agreed with me!  :)

SO… being the snoop that I am, I went back to check notes in Genesis 1. I have never paid any attention to them because I felt no need to check notes for clarification since I have studied this chapter many times under many scholars and teachers and I have it down pretty well.

At first the notes seem to be supportive of the common ground that God created and he did it in six days and He declared it good. But in this NIV version, the notes declare that some think this was a six day period and others declare that is an indefinite period of time. Uh oh. That simple statement may be true in fact – there are different opinions out there – but suggesting that these beliefs exist side by side and implying that this is okay does not ad up to truth. The impact is not equal. But even bringing it up indicates to me that they are unsure. The note is saying that there is room to maneuver here. More disappointment in trusting these notes at all.

As for creation “being good,” they speak of “no lingering traces of disorder and no dark and threatening forces arrayed against God or man.” This seems innocent enough, but I have also found a very excellent description of these mythological beliefs, and this is a direct reference to those beliefs.

They also use poetic terms in describing words used: In this chapter when they say that “in place” (referring to God giving the seas boundaries,) is a picturesque description of the seas, it belittles the fact that God placed the water where He wanted it and set real boundaries, holding the water back from covering the earth as it had previously. 

The worst, though, comes in verse 16 which describes the duties of the sun and the moon (and the starlight) and they have this to say about that:

two great lights The words “sun” and “moon” seem to be avoided deliberately here, since both were used as proper names for the pagan deities associated with these heavenly bodies.

And then, for emphasis, they say that the term “govern,” refers to the myth that “the Great Creator-King assigns subordinate regulating roles to certain of his creatures.” That is a direct quote from the mythology of the godly role of kings in Ancient Near Eastern Mythologies.

You see, these myths are used in factual history for initiating kingly power with each new king as he came along. It gave each one supreme power over the people, allowing him to declare who would be favored and who would not. It was a way of passing deity from one to another. Thus each one took a turn at being god.

None of this has anything to do with our God or with the writing of Genesis or any possibility that Genesis was written under the influence of mythology.

Our belief that the Word of God is true and sufficient relies, partially, on the fact that nothing is written in any one place that is not supported in other places in the Word. And the creation account is recounted over and over again in the Word of God: no mythical accounting is required or found there!

Be careful what you let others put into your mind to cause confusion in your faith. That is one of Satan’s sneakiest ways to weaken you and make you doubt what you have been taught from God’s Word. If you have a wandering doubt, catch it and ASK about it. Find a leader, even your Pastor, and tell them that you are confused and need some help. Don’t put it off. Don’t let it take root.

And, since you are reading this online, I am assuming that you have a favorite search engine. Use it. Watch out for people who are biased against the Bible being completely true and sufficient for God’s people, but don’t be afraid to read alternate thinking now and then. It can strengthen your own thinking.

Just check your resources for who they are and what they represent and if you aren’t sure about them, ask. Always be ready to ask someone you trust to tell you the truth before settling for believing things you are told by “strangers.” I generally turn my deepest questions into emails to my Pastor. He is willing to take a look and give an answer. If time is short he will say so and come back to it later. I trust his judgment, and that is good because he is our guide and leader in this family of Christians.

One of the reasons I do not insert a lot of scripture addresses in my own remarks is that my desire is to get you interested in finding out if I make sense or not. Go for it. Get curious and stand your ground when people try to make you think that what you have been taught is wrong.

May God help us, as He has promised, when we set out to discover the mighty truths of His Word and of His heart. May we seek, always, to know just a little more about Him and about what He wants us to know and believe. And may we become stalwart in our beliefs and ready to stand firm in them no matter who tries to persuade us away from them. In Jesus name. Amen.

*Exhaustion is a very serious open door to confusion and depression; Watch out for it.

http://davelivingston.com/creationstories.htm

Note: This page is very, very long... just the first few paragraphs will give you an idea what I am talking about.

WEEPING IS SO MUCH FUN!

For much of my adult life, I have tried to avoid crying. I hate what it does to me: Headache, stuffed up nose and sinuses, burning eyes, red face. It all adds up to ugly, and I have enough of that without crying. Crying is not something I do easily, so anger moves in instead. And that often fails me because I often end of crying when I am angry. But the older I have gotten, the better I have become with holding back the tears. No tears for me, please.

When I was going through the rebuilding of my life after I came here to live near my Aunt and cousins, I was crying and weeping a lot because there was a great deal of hurt that had to be dealt with and it hurt all over again. But I also wept with happiness over the pure Joy I found in my renewed relationship with Christ. When I got through a few of those years, I seemed to have decided that it was just too messy to keep crying over things and I “bucked” up. I still tear up over the Majesty of God and the presence of Christ in my life, but that is the most I will allow: tears that don’t fall.

Well… Mother’s Day turned into a disaster for me because I had been ignoring my own feelings about something and had ignored it for about three months: I knew, and said to myself, “I think I need a good cry”. But I could not put a finger on why, so I didn’t. Therefore, I ended up weeping my way through church that Sunday. Funny how things we are stuffing catch up with us in the end.

Now I realize that I was long term dealing with the hurt of not having any family of my own, no parents, no sibling, and no children. And I have been thrown into some aging issues that have been very hard to deal with and that needed to be acknowledged as scaring the wits out of me.

Was crying a weakness of faith? Was crying a sin at that point? I don’t think so. I think it was a necessity. I had been refusing to acknowledge the hurts I was feeling, but they had not gone away. And suddenly I was head bowed and tears flowing and body shaking in a way that I could not stop.

I tried to be discreet about it, but I guess that did not work because one couple handed me a flower and another friend came across to me and gave me one as well. And she gave me hugs, and kisses on the cheek. I was still trying to be subtle about the whole thing, but I was very encouraged by these actions.

And, I was extremely thankful that our pastor does not make a big thing about Proverbs 31 on Mother’s Day. I was very thankful to hear the beauty of Paul’s first recorded sermon, instead; reminding us of how much our God loves us and has been Mighty to save us.

Just to let you know that I know: I am not the only woman in the world, let alone in our church, who has no children; there are other women who have no children due to other, more tragic circumstance than mine. And, by the way, I have sat through many Mother’s Day celebrations without breaking down, or even wanting to break down.

The point I hope to make is that we need to keep up with our feelings or they may take us down.  We need to be who we are and be free in feeling what we feel. It is not a sin to feel pain and hurt. It is not a lack of trust or doubt in God to feel things, and feel them deeply – check Job. Our feelings and emotions are a gift of God and He gave us a lot of them. If we need to cry, then we need to cry.

Weeping is a cleanser of the soul. It is a cleanser given by God to help us keep our hearts and thoughts refreshed and renewed and honestly proclaimed to God, so that He can catch our tears and hug us tightly for the simple sake of His Glory being felt and seen in our lives.

Now that I have come to realize what I wept over, it is time to acknowledge my fear of being alone in my declining years: I must hand that over to Him for safe keeping. And now that I know I have been hurt by baby issues I must also hand that over to Him, knowing full well that He already knows that, and His plans for me simply do not include being close to children, at least for now.

My hope is that we may all stop denying the things that hurt us; but acknowledge them and cry over them when necessary. I cannot help but hope that you who read this will take a serious look at hurts you are holding. These hurts do not always turn to anger, but they can leave you weeping at very inopportune times – like in the middle of church when sin or failure is not necessarily involved - just emotions unexpressed.

My cheeks are red – but I got two carnations out of it! :)  And I turned to the friend next to me, whose husband had brought an extra flower for me, and coyly said: “Look here – I got two.” She called me an over achiever. We smiled and went on in the service. Later we had opportunity to hug.

Father: Thank you for being who you are and for caring for such “human” Human beings. Thank you for sending Christ to be our Savior, friend and brother; the answer to every question from every person on this entire earth, as Paul preached and reminded us in His amazing sermon in the synagogue.

God, help us to be more aware and honest about our hurts and feelings about life as we live it. Let us cry out to you in pain or in joy, whenever we need to express to you what we are feeling; whenever our hearts are lifted up or torn down; whenever we fear the unknown but do not admit it to you; whenever our feelings assist or constrict our ability to find our peace and joy in you.

Let us not be afraid to feel and to share with you exactly what we are feeling. Let us remember that “your mercies are renewed every morning,” and that we can also be renewed and refreshed in them, every morning. And “Let us be singing when the evening comes!”

May God bless you all. In Jesus Name, Amen.

AT LEAST I AM NOT SENILE; I AM BRAIN DAMAGED

In my group of peers, we enjoy playing mind games as much as any group of younger people. The kind of mind games I mean are the ones that have comparison as the core:  My boat is bigger than your boat, my housekeeping is worse than your housekeeping; my mothering style is better than your mothering style; my fashion sense is more clever than your fashion sense; I am a stronger athlete than you are; my team is a meaner machine than your team… and on and on.

My friends and I play “I am more senile than you are.”  :)  We constantly compare our idiot moves which place us in that category, and we laugh like fools over the silliness we find in our behavior. It is fun and it keeps us all humble about our otherwise “great wisdom.”

Recently, though, I have become concerned about my own inabilities to keep up with things. Early on, in entering this period of change, I asked the Lord specifically to help me remember Him if I ever lost cognizance of the present. My Joy in Him is great and I cannot imagine ever not realizing that. That is my most scary thought.

Then, this past fall, something changed for me, big time. Suddenly I was unable to keep up with group discussions such as those that went on in Bible Studies. I dropped all of my study groups and went on an adventure just between me and God. I felt safe there because I was able to follow the threads of thinking and learning.

But then I began to realize that I had so many thoughts in my head that they were beginning to confuse me. I would begin to write them down and then loose track of what I had been aiming to say and I would stop cold. That is why I have not been producing much for my blog.

Then, our ladies Bible Study changed to a new subject and style. The study would involve four of my favorite books and people in the Bible, so I decided to try again. I love preparing for the meetings, BUT I cannot follow the conversation; the discussions. I really can’t. I get so lost that I wonder if they are doing the same study I did. This has been very worrisome.

Then I went to see my doctor about a whole new thing going on with my leg: possible Sciatica. (sigh) I am very concerned about this because I know people who have this problem and it is not pretty; I even took a few moments to consider letting go and being depressed about it. But, frankly, I was too busy for that. Thank God. I am one who can look over the cliff and then walk away in His strength. And being needed in a whole different place helped me tremendously.

So I go to the doctor to see what we can do and I find myself reading an article in Good Housekeeping that is about the effects of brain damage on children: Particularly this women’s son; but also about her discovery of her own childhood brain damage. (!)

It is a well written article that gives some clarity about concussion result brain damage. But it was also a very bright light for me to see what was going on with me:

When Dickens described her childhood fall, Gordon immediately scheduled her for an evaluation. Since TBIs usually can't be seen via medical imaging, the only way to make the diagnosis is to assess a person's cognitive function. So therapists spend hours testing everything from a patient's reasoning ability to her recall of random numbers.

t took several weeks for Dickens to get her results. "As bad as my memory is, I remember every detail of Dr. Gordon telling me I had TBI," she says. "The way I waited with my hands folded in my lap. The six-page report. The weird feeling of Yay! I'm brain-damaged! The waves of sadness for all the years I'd thought I was just a lazy, disorganized, bad person."

At Dr. Gordon's suggestion, Dickens enrolled in a clinical trial in which she received 12 weeks of classes in what she describes as "how to live with a brain injury." The strategies don't make her "normal," she says. "But they make my life 1,000% more manageable, because I know what I need to compensate for."

Among the things she learned is that it is hard for her to take in information just by listening. So now, when she watches TV, she switches on the subtitles. To assist her memory, she uses a reminder app on her phone and alarms for appointments

Note: My damage was not childhood, but it has changed my life.

In the last three years, I have fallen and smacked my head against cement twice, and I fell and slid into a car door last summer. That one really left me loony for a few minutes. These incidents were not as light as I thought. I laughed them off and said I had passed my bone density tests because nothing broke! I have a very hard head!

But now I believe that this is why I cannot function without my timer and alarms on my cell phone combined with sticky notes all over the frame of my computer screen. It is also why I cannot follow the discussions in Bible Studies. Believe it or not, this is a “Hooray” moment for me:

I cannot follow the discussions, but I CAN follow the study and I can still grasp what God is telling me in our times together, studying or just loving on one another! Hallelujah. Amen. This revelation is so freeing that it brings tears to my eyes. And God’s response to this new information and my reaction to it is Psalm 31, particularly verse 9, verses 21 and 22, plus verse 24:

Be merciful to me O Lord, for I am in distress….

Praise be to the Lord, for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city (place.) In my alarm I said, “I am cut off from your sight!” Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help.

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

And I pray for all of you that whatever besieges you on any day of your life, you will find strength in our Lord Jesus Christ and the resurrection that brings life to all of us through the blood He shed on the cross for us. He is Almighty – ALL MIGHTY

And I know in my heart that He will continue to help me share His Love with you through this blog. My heart is full! Amen.

Traumatic Brain Injuries Story - Jennipher and Christopher Dickens - Good Housekeeping

HIS GREAT LOVE FOR HIS OWN IS INEXHAUSTIBLE

This morning I find myself elated in the patience and endurance of God. Last night was crazy… I worried things to death as I laid there in bed and tossed and turned in the middle of the night. The things I fretted over were genuinely silly and absolutely not in keeping with my trust in God.

This morning, all I can say (and said to God) is that I had a really stupid night; really stupid. And I am sorry.

But, also, this morning I can say that I am more in love with God and with my Bethany family and our God driven Pastor than I have ever been before. Somehow, wrestling with things these days is much more productive than it used to be. Why? Because now I have been fed so well from the Word of God that I can immediately perceive that I was stupid; and I can turn around and praise God for His Great Love; I have been reminded that everywhere in His Word, no matter the book or chapter, we are told about that Great Love, and of the compassion He has for his own children in each book: even in Judges.

These trips we take through the books of the Bible are very much an adventure through God’s thinking and planning and His methods of preparing us for life with Him in the future.

In Ladies Bible Study, we are looking at Ruth for a moment and we see a beautiful story of God’s patience and love and planning when a man makes a decision based on “what he thinks is right in his own eyes.” As things develop we realize that, without this decision, Ruth would never have met Boaz, with whom she produced a son whom they named Obed - a prominent person in the line of Jesus Christ, Himself. There, in the midst of a time when God could have dealt with the Israelites as He did with Sodom, He kept his covenant and loved a woman called Ruth, the Moabitess, who was to be a mother in the line leading to the birth of Christ.

Wow. These are just two of the books of the Bible; but what profound lessons are learned in them.

I, personally, appreciate the fact that our Pastor Tim follows his own heart – at God’s prompting – and feeds us from book after book after book. (And that he allows and prompts his fellow pastors to join him in leading us through these books.)  I am overwhelmed with the love that God gives him and, in return, he gives to us.  

This morning I am comparing what I feel with the phrase often used by people who have been married for a long time: I love him/her more today than I did when I was first married.

In this church, I have learned to love Him more today than I ever have before, and I thank Him that He has given me such a great environment to grow up in.

I can only hope, and pray, that others are realizing a great feast from the Word on a daily and weekly basis in several different ways. God’s Word is a celebratory feast for all of us to enjoy and I hope (and know) that many of my friends and loved ones are enjoying the feast as much as I am.

May we all give back to God the Love that He gives to us and may we tell Him so every single day.   

Our Father, Our Lord and Savior and our Life Coach, the Holy Spirit, we thank you for all that you are and all that you do in our most insignificant daily life.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them and my soul is downcast within me.

YET, this I call to mind (everyday) and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

THEY ARE NEW EVERY MORNING:

Great is Your faithfulness.

I say to myself the Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.

The Lord is good to those who hope in Him, to the one who seeks Him;

It is good to wait patiently for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:19-26

Therefore, may we all give to God every single fret and worry so that we may live the life of Joy that He offers us.

God Bless you all. Amen